Thursday, December 10, 2009

Screw U, Ranting Bloggers

Ha Ha,

I always have to laugh about the ranting bloggers who vent their collective spleens on anything that just so happens to annoy them. Like everyone else is NOT annoyed by your smugness, your self-importance and your vanity. Pshaw. Bark, woof.

That is all for now.

Monday, January 26, 2009

New Program announcement

Hi, just thought I would drop by to let you all know I'm inventing a new TV program. It's like a soap opera that will debut on TV at around 7 or 8 a.m. each morning. It's called a breakfast serial.

Anyway, what reminded me about this was a social networking site where somebody tagged me with a serial "25 Things you may not no about such-and-such. It was filled with all these great things and it compelled me to write my own list. When I wrote them, some of these things made me say "Wow, I didn't know that," while others were like, "Wow, what the hell was I thinking."
So, here goes with "25 Things you may not know about Tom Murphy"

-Subsisted on nothing but breakfast cereal for an entire 36-hour period.
-Only knows three cords.
-Is writing a screen play with the working title “Zombies vs. Wookies.”
-Never ate meatloaf in a Chinese restaurant
-Has the West Coast’s largest collection of RJ Umberger rookie mini hockey pucks.
-Doesn’t know who SJ Sharkey is and has never seen him in public place.
-Once flubbed the lyrics to an Inbred Mutants’ song in a karaoke bar in Kuching, Malaysia.
-Would never sit down in the snack bar at a nudist colony.
-Once acquired unsubstantiated visions of grandeur.
-Made two unforgettable guest appearances with the legendary Travelin’ Band during it's historical Brownie’s Lodge concerts.
-Lets his good buddy Don Julio do all the talkin’.
-In a conversation about the economy, once said “At least it’s not like ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ yet.”
-Vocalizes his dog’s thoughts in falsetto.
-Stays in the merge lane as long as possible.
-Once emptied a ketchup packet underneath the door handle of a car that was IN MY SPOT.
-Quickly considered but resolutely declined an opportunity to buy a Sham Wow! in Target.
-Never read MAD magazine and despises its particular brand of humor.
-Is under the false impression that hand drums make the neighbors more polite.
-Frequently pays no nevermind.
-Was surprised to see a topographical map of his buttocks hanging in the Panamanian Pickpocket Association’s Hall of Fame.
-Maintains a healthy diet by being nice to the waiter.
-Is a lot more cynical than he shows.
-Subscribes to every notion he comes across, whether good or bad.
-Once split an infinitive in a room full of editors.
-Asks rhetorically, “What are you looking at?”
-Saw Ditka once at Chicago’s O’Hare and man, he did not look approachable.
-Felt guilty for logging onto to a social networking account during work.
-Is in denial about a recent disagreement I had with … oh, I forget who.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Speech

Good speech today by Obama - fitting for the times. I particularly like the "opening fist" metaphor. Good luck to the new President. There seems to be a great deal of hope and excitement for his administration and the man himself. I am in his corner but I will reserve judgement until some actual progress is recognized.

We're in a world of hurt in this country and I have yet to be convinced that Obama can make a difference in our economy and our country's standing in the world. Generally, I like this guy as a person better than the goverment's previous leader but I have yet to be convinced of his effectiveness as a leader of this entire country. I get no mesianic vibe from the man but I believe strongly that his intentions are leaning in the right direction, much more so than the other joker. But let's see if its more than just a good speech.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Blah, blah, blah

I'm now, or will be soon, a homeowner for the first time. Yeehah - a lifetime goal. We move in an February, hopefully, if everything goes right and we close escrow on Jan. 7.

I've got no deep insight to consider here. I just wanted to wipe Palin off the screen. Finally, wanted to render her into the realm of obscurity where she belongs. Rock over London, Rock on, Chicago - Rock n' Roll McDonalds.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Not an issue in this campaign

I’m not going to raise the issue about family values in this blog. After all, who am I to judge and besides that, this issue is not likely to change my vote anyway. The issue is, what were they thinking?
I’m talking about the McCain campaign here and one other case where the top leadership made themselves vulnerable for a divisive media firestorm. This other case is how a disgruntled football player is causing strife within the Philadelphia Eagles locker room but I will get to that later.
First, U.S. presidential candidate John McCain selects Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin as his running mate. Then it gets out that Sarah’s 17-year-old, single daughter is five months pregnant, casting doubt about the Republican candidates’ long-held position as the “family values” ticket. Oh, no, they explain, It’s OK because the Palin family is fully supporting their daughter in parenthood, etc. – it’s all over the news and will be debated throughout the rest of the year.

So this controversy immediately draws attention away from Palin’s legitimacy as qualified leader (if there ever was any) and instead focuses the whole campaign on this one issue. What, is this a smokescreen that’s supposed to divert attention away from the real issues and make the voting public think: Hey, compared to this, Republican’s record on Iraq, the economy and human rights is pretty good?

Obviously not. This is McCain deliberately squandering any chance he has at winning the election. Eight years of lunatics running the asylum was far too many, therefore, he wanted to hand over the popular leadership of the country back to the Democrats, who can then go about the business of righting the ship, for which they are overqualified.

Brilliant strategy and then again, there was really no other choice for the doomed McCain campaign. Of course the conspiracy theorist in me says the Republicans could have selected anyone as McCain’s running mate because they will just steal the election like they have the last two times, but I’m glad I don’t listen to that voice in my head anymore.

Then there’s the case of the Philadelphia Eagles who go out of their way to disenfranchise a player who had the audacity to ask for more money. Of course, things are more convoluted than they seem and you might get a handle on it here

The guy’s name is Lito Sheppard and he was put out of his job earlier this year when the team hired a new player to take his spot once it was known he was upset with his contract and wanted to re-negotiate. The Eagles didn’t trade Sheppard away but decided to let him stew in his own juices on the sidelines. So Sheppard goes out and hires Team Public Enemy No. 2 in an agent known as Drew Rosenhaus. Rosenhaus effectively ignites a locker room controversy that will disrupt the team fabric and will have everyone on the Eagles hating each other by the year’s end.

Again, what was coach Andy Reid thinking? Was it that he and the organization expertly diffused the tension in the locker room the last time Rosenhaus represented an unhappy player? Was this a personal vendetta against somebody who thought he was worth more money even though he was injured for most of the last two seasons? Obviously, Reid invited this firestorm on this Eagles just so events like these would transpire exactly the way they are happening now. This way, Eagles team owner can say, “You’ve lost control of the personnel, we only won three games this season, it’s time to part ways.” That will save coach Reid the indignity of having to resign and admit defeat.

I’m so glad that these leaders have learned to manipulate the media so effectively in order to advance their hidden agendas. In nautical terms, this is what's known a "scuppering" a vessel. It basically goes like this: When a huge storm is approaching and you boat is stuck in a harbor - you strip it and sink it before the storm hits. That way that boat rests on the bottom and avoids getting smashed into piers, pilings, other boats, flotsam, jetsam and the like. When the storm is over, you go back and raise the vessel and the damage will be minimal as compared to those that remained on the surface.

McCain and Reid have scuppered their respective causes because they've given up on them. When all logical possibilities have been eliminated, only the illogical remains.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Who Nose?

I've got this thing in my left nostril that's driving my batty. I can't tell what it is although all afternoon I've been trying to "solve" it, by picking, preening, wetting, cutting, shaving and trimming. No avail, obviously, that's why I'm writing this blog.

Did you ever have one of these weird sensations? It usually forms at the base of the opening, right in that little pocket that goes up against the septum. It feels like a dust or pollen ball got caught up in some nose hair and it wiggles every time I exhale. This is kind of like that sensation you get when you pull the couch back from the wall for the first time in a year and the cloud of dust bunnies conspires to perform an upwards funneling tango into your allergy-prone probiscus.

This sensation could almost be like an errant nose hair getting stuck like a blown-down tree and vibrating furiously on a very sensitive part of the skin at every gust of wind. I've tried to ignore - it keeps coming back to cloud my thoughts.

I try to focus on work. I'm sure research on femto cells or electronic dispersion compensation is not exciting but it could be engaging enough to send my thoughts elsewhere - nope.

I've become an expert at plucking nose hairs but this one evades the fingers, the tweezers, the electric trimmer and the roto-Lorax thingy. I think Dr. Seuss' was as obsessed with nose hairs as much as I am today and he's got a whole book dedicated to it although it is cleverly disguised as a parable.

What I'm wondering is how many man hours per year are wasted at work in the pursuit of errant nasal follicles. How much could we as a civilization accomplished had we not been sidetracked by this highly-annoying diversion? Could we have mapped the human genome 20 years ago? Could we have built a bridge to China, solve world hunger and ended univeral suffering? Maybe we could have brought a decent slice of pizza to California - or maybe not.

Why hasn't man kind solved this perplexing vexation? Or perhaps, that's the point - we sit at our desk some days playing this game. We pretend we're working when really we are writhing in mental anguish over these itchy nasal passages. Nothing gets done, no one questions the lack of progess we're not making and we're all in this sorry mess of a world because of it. Or maybe I'm just overthinking things.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

You Band Name Here

Amerihippie World-Jazz Funk-Pop Or Euro Trance Jam-Funk?
My band just finished rehearsal and oh-by-gosh, by-golly, is it badass. As soon as it becomes feasible, we will launch our world tour and deliver our sonic assault on the masses.I've already placed the order for my sequinned jumpsuit with extra large lapels.

Yes, I’m excited – or at least I would be if we could all agree on a name. Help me, if you can.
I, for one, am keeping my tenuous hold on my day job just in case this gig falls through. Plus my wife - I love her dearly - told me I had to. But, gee willikers, I sure would like to unshackle the chains to this computer, so to speak. And coming up with a name for the band is all that stands in the way.
All of my previous ideas have fallen through. My first love was “Inbred Mutants” but it was roundly criticized as “too punk” or “so 80s” but I had always wanted to be in a band by that name. One suggested name, “Ass Beard”, was also shot down because it would only apply to middle-aged men of Croatian heritage, of which, there are none in this band.
So how do I come up with a fitting name for such an outfit? Maybe it should reflect one of our illustrious musical arrangements in some way, kind of like the way it does for, say a band like Garaj Mahal. I mean after all, coming up with a name is almost as important as coming up with an original song – maybe even more so.
There are multiple factions within the band which make it difficult to come to a consensus on anything. One faction describes the music we make as Ameriehippie World-Jazz Funk-Pop, which couldn’t be further from the truth but that is just my humble opinion. Still another faction thinks we’ve created the new category of Euro-Trance Jam Funk. There are several more factions that I won’t get to here, which is remarkable since it’s a power trio.
Anyway, the direction I’m going doesn’t lend its self to the name of “AIDS Loogie” which again was deemed to inappropriate. A friend of mine once told me of a band name generator on the Internet. At the time, I was like, “Please, I can think up about five band names when I’m on the toilet every morning.” But now I hope its still in business. But I’m taking suggestions - Travelin’ Band has already been taken, since I was loosely affiliated with that outfit back in the ‘90’s. So anything at all will do.